In March the earth remembers its own name. Everywhere the plates of snow are cracking. The rivers begin to sing. In the sky the winter stars are sliding away; new stars appear as, later, small blades of grain will shine in the dark fields. And the name of every place is joyful. -excerpt from “Worm Moon” by Mary Oliver
I don’t know about you dear reader, but these eclipses have been an “experience.”
Sleep has felt a little elusive, the boys have been a lot more attached to me, and even the way I have been writing has changed. I feel more logical and linear when all I really want is to wax poetically about my loved one’s eyes and the green of the fields from my walks.
March has felt like a big exhale and a large “shedding” of my skin or a shrugging off of winter’s coat (even as winter clings to our heels not wanting to leave). There is something about the arrival of spring that feels both like a blooming and a desperate need for a nap. A sprouting of a new leaf and a push for another root to dig deeper. But then again, that’s what that equinox/duality vibe is: balance between inner and outer life.
Not that we will get all esoteric on you, but this month we had a lot!
A lunar eclipse, the Spring Equinox, fluctuations in weather as if Mama Nature can’t quite make up her mind. Here, there has been spring cleaning with its never-ending trips to goodwill and long walks on the trail and words pouring out as if I were bleeding onto the page (which is a big check off the list for me). I’ve been initiated into middle school cool with Swiftie word bracelets and I have cried many tears processing hurts I carry and over my time with the boys was cut short with Spring Break being this month.
Now as I lay her from the comfort of my bed, I hear the boys talking in the other room as they watch cartoons on a Saturday morning (how wholesome!) and I try to finalize this March recap share… so here we go!
March was filled with:
new friends in my writing circles (hello dear friends, ILYSM), ones that I have shared some of the most raw writing I have ever produced.
wanting to quit writing, become a monk, become a drone bee, become some other thing entirely. I have picked the pen back up and decided to write my far west Texas novel, the one I called magician The one I have based off a loved one. I think this is one of the stages of writing:
proclaiming by the end of this year, I will double my numbers here— have you all entranced enough to become paid subscribers (*wink, wink).
declaring that it will all be easy. Not that I won’t make efforts, because I will, but to make those things joyous and therefore making it easy.
but also, walking the beautiful green belt trails by my house that I absolutely love and have fallen in love with the color green (heart chakra color!!).
deciding to take better care of myself (feed myself, metaphorically and literally!) Cheese plates during writing times is a whole love language! I have noticed that I have let myself not enjoy the things I once did, like comfort cheese enchiladas, and it has become time to become what I want— someone who feeds me.
being a +1 for a wedding, which was a blast! I haven’t danced like that since New Orleans 2 years ago. And I vow to have more dancing in my life.
writing and writing and writing and… you guessed it, writing. I have quite a bit from the memoir class I took and it’s trying to piece it together now. What exactly will come of it is to be seen, but I have the basics of a very good story. Even if it needs to be fictionalized.
Even if it goes under a pen name.taking care of me, because I’m the energy the boys feed off of and the better I feel, the better life gets! My therapist sent me this great clip that talked about how we often attribute healthy kids to having a two parent household, but actually studies are showing that it is a healthy mama that sets the mood for the kids. When mama is cared for, nurtured, and doing well— so the kids will be (this plays a lot into finances too. Kids growing up in poverty carry so much into adulthood).
My personal theme for March was: Be Clear about What you Want.
I’m still very much in the throes of making life romantic and poetic, not as in “hey there is nothing to see here,” but in the same way we change losses into lessons, we take the struggles and say, “my the beauty that will come out of this is going to be breath-taking.”
I’ve also taken to writing a very clear list of what it is that I am creating and who I am shifting to be to have it. If you read this week’s mid week post “How To Change,” you may have noticed that I am in fact, changing. I have gotten clear about what I want (and maybe I’ll share more at some point or more than the few tidbits above (or shared previously) and have been reflecting on it daily. Not just in the vision wall way, but in the how do I want to show up for my people and myself and life kinds of ways.