Sorry for the delay my loves, but the weekend rushed by and I needed a few more days to get this together. Another week has rushed by and I have found myself in the same places doing the same things. Summer break can’t come fast enough, sleeping in and the lull in a strict routine feels luxurious and exciting. I hold the space for popsicles for breakfast and watermelon all day (even though popsicles are already a breakfast item for the big one). I have a lot of hope for this summer and all the magic that it has held in the past as well as what will definitely be a magical summer.
A daydream
I see the sign and I let myself daydream for a few minutes.
What would it be like to hold space here? To host yoga classes, to have space for artist salons? What would it feel like to make tea or coffee, to have snacks on a long table that also served a place to make art?
I think of the art I would put on the walls and the books I would have there.
I think of the people who would come and gather, how laughter would reverberate off of the walls and out the open windows.
I think: of the joy, of how it’s a Monday and that is a perfect day to see this,
of what it would take to make this happen.
And then just as quickly, I let it all go.
I whisper a sweet moment of gratitude seeing it and just the words: if it’s meant to be, it will happen. The means will be there, the way will be there. I want it and that is enough. It will happen. I’m learning to trust that.
10,000
“We all have 10,000 bad drawings in us. The sooner we get them out the better.”
― Walt Stanchfield
There are photos to take and stories/poems to write. How many versions do I need to go through to get to the better? I think this is living, being bad at something until you are good at it. Or until you feel like yourself doing it.
Before teaching, I had a conversation about just this kind of thing.
Being yourself. I repeated my favorite: John Steinbeck “now that you don’t have to be perfect” and MO’s “You do not have to be good.” The sooner we get to being ourselves, the sooner we get to enjoy life. Find our people. The sooner joy is continuous. Have I reached that third thing of being myself yet?
Her house
The wild flowers have taken over the front yard and it feels so appropriate.
A big hug and a conversation about the continued demise of life as we know it.
How much more destruction? Life feels like it is burning it down to the basics. Internally, I know this feeling. I have wanted to do this to my life many times, but on a grander scale it feels scary.
But here, in her house, it feels all so far away.
April Photos
April’s roll of film comes back and it’s not what I expected.
I’m still working on how to adjust for the light, whether it be day or dark. I could just take a class, but there is also a lot of joy in taking them and finding out when the month is complete.
I do notice that I am NOT wanting to take self portraits. I know there is something there and I can accept that I’m wanting a change. I have the tools, will I finally use them? (this applies to photography, self care, writing, yoga, building “things”)
Nike’s & Video Game Tournament, ways of defining themselves (No photo)
He has a complete meltdown over his shoes. Refuses to go to school.
This isn’t something new, I’ve been telling him for weeks that his feet have grown and he needs new shoes.
I pull up the website and let him look at what is potentially available for him.
”I just want to feel like my own person.” I get it kiddo, I want that for you too.
Weeks ago, I signed a permission slip for an afterschool video game tournament. A was beyond excited and nervous for it the morning of. When I picked him up afterwards, a stream of kids pouring out the front door, he smiled at me and I knew he did well. “Second place. I got second place.” He was proud of himself and it was maybe the first time in a long time that I saw him be proud and excited. This year was definitely defined for him by art and this new found community of gamers. Something he’s insanely good at and something he loves.
5 invitations:
Summer is rapidly approaching, what is something you are looking forward to doing this summer? Make a list of things you enjoy during our long days, put it on the fridge and check things off accordingly.
In what ways are you defining yourself? Your kicks, your activities? Who are you and who are you becoming?
Are you a sign person? Or is a dream lingering lately? How can you both feel it and detach from what it is?
Where do you go that feels comfortable? The coffee shop that knows your order? Bestie’s house? The library or museum? Take a visit and remind yourself it is ok to be comfortable sometimes.
Can you find something unexpected this week? Put yourself in a new place or just let the signs flow you into something unexpected and different.
Until next week my loves,
xo-liz
PS. I’m looking at holding some creative space this summer, online and in person. We’ll yoga and write. Share and laugh. I think it’s time. Reach out if you’re interested.
If you liked this post or got some joy out of it, treat me to a coffee!
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